Pink Slip to Chuck Norris about Health Concerns for Language Arts

Chuck Norris took the pink slip from his locker. He never saw this coming, never. Who would have the gall to fire him? He immediately read over the slip...

Dear Chuck Norris, 

We here at Unlimitedly Infinite inc. are sorry to say that we must let you go. Our other employees have complained about your reactions to certain events in our offices, such as the time you tore off Steven Karksin's head and shoved it into the Water Dispenser, or the time you stared down Mike Harkinson till he melted into a pile of red goo. As much as we wish we could keep you, we lose too many people because of their fear of you and the amount you've slaughtered. There is also the issue with bring your daughter to work day...well, needless to say, that event is far too disgusting to even mention here, and Unlimitedly Infinite Inc. was forced to pay for all the abortions. Well, the abortions of those who survived. We also had to pay for the deaths you caused. 

There is also the fact that no matter what, you've refused to do any jobs we gave to you, even though that's your job and we pay you to do so. Instead, you use the papers as coasters and slouch in your office chair, killing any employee who so much as refers to the pile of work you have built up. Also, numerous other employees have complained about your stealing of their iPhones and iTouches, which we strictly prohibit. And we don't appreciate using our enforcers as target practice for your pencil throwing, which I will repeat, IS DEADLY. Also, the paper clips are not for picking locks, so please stop shoving them in the doors.

Finally, there's the cost of the insurance bill that you've racked up while working for us, which we expect you to pay IN FULL. There's the forty five million you've racked up for employee and otherwise related deaths, sixty seven thousand in company assets, and the ten thousand you owe for those abortions. You also owe us for the amount of people who died because you let them touch you, but the ones who died from looking at you will not be charged for, as those deaths were not your fault, rather the faults of those who looked at you. There will be no charge for the pens and pencils you've broken (which would number in the thousands) and there is no charge for your beard's awesomeness. By the way, on a side note, we have hired a new enforcer. Should you not comply with our requests, our new enforcer would love to meet you, if he in fact doesn't come over to meet you first on his own. 

Thank you,

President Fredrick Ohno

Chuck Norris tore the slip in half with his mind, and turned towards the president's office with thoughts of murder. That was when the immensely powerful figure of Captain Falcon appeared before him. 

"Hi. I'm the new enforcer." Captain Falcon said.

Chuck Norris's idea were shattered as the more powerful of the two stood in his way. 

Following this encounter, Chuck Norris paid off all the bills, officially apologized to the company, and cried himself to sleep for the next four weeks.

Tatsunoko vs Capcom; A Great Anime vs Video Game Crossover, Grounded in Japan?

A spectacular game has been announced for release in Japan - and Japan, only. Capcom claims to be working on the liscensing issues, but I don't think they're actually going to do anything. The game features a good sized cast - twenty or so characters, with possible hidden characters - all from popular Tatsunoko and Capcom properties. Gameplay is simple and fun, and they have tag team play, unless you're one of the HUGE characters, they work alone. Characters span all generations of Tatsunoko and Capcom, from Ryu and Chun Li from the Street Fighter series, and Ken the Eagle (from Gatchaman) and Casshern (from Neo-Human Casshern) of tatsunoko fame. They even have one of the crazy super sized robo suits from Capcom's Lost Planet. See if you can figure this puzzle out; They put Megaman Volnutt from Mega man Legends in, and they put Roll from the classic series in. Can you say Mega Man hidden characters? I'm most excited about Karas, Soki from Onimusha, and the Megaman characters myself. Well, and the Lost Planet robo suit. The graphics are amazing, the super moves fill the screen and are just plain awesome, and all in all, it looks like the best fighter this side of Smash Bros Brawl. I myself am buying a freeloader from Datel and I'm importing this one. I recommend you do the same. I'll post some screens later. Here's some delicious boxart for you; 

 

Bounty Hunting Space Cowboys?

Crazy title, yah. I know. But it's perfect for this article. 

So, you start with some fast paced jazz music action. Then you throw in some good old fashioned gun wielding and shooting. THEN, you throw in some bounty hunting and some good old illegal activities (drug smuggling and selling included of course). Finally, you throw in a Bad@$$ green haired gun wielding cowboy in a nice shirt, a huge hulking monster of a former police officer with a metal arm, a scar on his face, and reason to be ticked, a hot amnesiac babe with purple hair and a history of being frozen for several hundred years in cryostasis, and an eccentric red-headed tomboy girl who can hack any piece of technology that exists, their intelligence-enhanced dog, and of course, space ships and the rest of the universe, and what do you get? This; 

Cowboy Bebop, a legendary anime with a great story line, amazing cast (pictured from left to right; Faye Valentine (foreground), Jet Black (background), Spike Spiegel (foreground), Ed and Ein (in Ed's arms)) great musical score, amazing animation, a short but amazing story (25 episodes), and of course, a MOVIE. You can look for it on Adult Swim (if they rerun the series AGAIN), or you can buy the series DVD box-set (pictured above). It's a great series, short and with plenty of twists and violence, as well as plenty of thought provokers and things you can relate to real life. I really recommend this to anyone, girl or boy, adult or teenager, any job or profession, and if you want to see a piece of the action, head to youtube or where ever and watch at least the first episode. I promise, if space cowboys and bounty hunting are your thing, you won't be disappointed. And don't think it's all violence, there's plenty of humor and even a few lighter hearted moments. So why not go check it out? 

Texting; The new language of hands and thumbs

Okay, let's start off with this; I have nothing to hold against texting. It's great to use to stay in touch, but it's not the best way. I personally used to text a lot, but I haven't turned my cell on in weeks. I found that texting was devouring my time, and as you get to know me, you'll find that my time is very important to me. That being said, I rarely ever abbreviate words, prefering to use the entire word, with the exception of any form of lol and possibly skipping some capital letters or punctuation, though I always used a period to separate sentences. If anything, online gaming with text communication made me use more of these than texting did. I also prefer email to IMing.

Now then, while I can see how texting is useful for people who need to quickly get a message across and would rather it just get there than have to dial and wait only to have an answering machine pick up, there is still something wrong with it. Texting is missing that sense of actual feeling and personality, which one can hear in a person's voice, and see in the hand written signature of a letter. Using texting it seems like everyone is the same except for a limited amount of mannerisms some people tend to put into their text. This sometimes can even lead to confusion, which might cause a person to respond as they would to person B, but actually respond to person A. This could become quite akward if person B is your lover and person A is your boss.

Finally, there's the patience issue. Some people get very annoyed when someone doesn't reply to their texts, following which, they might text again. This is utterly pointless in my opinion, as what if the person's phone is dead, on silent for some reason, lost, ruined, or simply off like mine is? And what of the radiation caused by cell phones, which could lead (after years of exposure) to disease, mutation, and cancer? Sure, it won't happen in seconds, but over many years it can surely give you cancer at the least. That's why, while I believe it has its uses and positive sides, I believe texting isn't the best way to communicate, if avoidable. Out of electronic communication choices, email would be at the top of my list, where at least it's easiest to type and add your own forms or personality while at least being able to check your spelling and grammar. It's a phone, use it like one.

Bounty Hunting Bird of Prey

Captain Falcon. An awesome character, with a spandex body suit, either blue or purple, a brown belt, a green holster, golden orange gloves, a bright yellow scarf, a HUGE orange collar, a silver buckle, a red helmet with eye covering visor, a golden falcon emblem on the forehead of the helmet, and a fist full of Falcon and Fire. He's a 37 year old racer and bounty hunter. His name with title is Captain Douglas Jay Falcon, and he holds every Grand Prix champion title for the F-Zero series. He's shown up in every installation of Smash Bros with his mighty Falcon Punch and Kick, Raptor Boost, and Falcon Dive. He is a classic character, who, while his games aren't as popular,  stands among the likes of Mario, Luigi, Link, Samus, Fox, Sonic, Solid Snake, and many more. His eyes, which are hard to see, are blue. He has a scar over the left side of his face, and he has short brown hair. Look for more infos like this coming here in the future.